Mission Complete As of February 14

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. -Dr. Seuss



Confession time: My online dating mission has been derailed by love, and subsequently, my mission to find my one and only is officially complete. Yes, complete. No, I did not find him online. I just finally realized he had been there the whole time.

He is a man whom I already love and adore, and the man whom I referred to as 'my favourite man' on my status updates over the past 6 months. He truly is my favourite man, has always been, and I guess I finally realized that this counted for a whole lot more than I was giving it credit for.

Apparently it took me leaving him a while back and then having him reappear unexpectedly this past weekend to make me aware that he actually is what I wanted. We simply needed to tweak a few things for me to stay on board. But since I was not open to that the last time I saw him, I left him after one very unique and beautiful sporadic 3 year connection because I was in search of 'the one'; this concept I could not let go of, and I was certain I knew what 'the one' would be like and I was also certain it wasn't him.

On our final visit he asked me to describe what I was after, and when I did, he said, "But isn't that what we share?"

"Yes, but..."

And there were a lot of buts. A lot of ways I thought it should look, and our dynamic did not match these ideas in my mind. And since I could not resolve this discrepancy, I resolved to find 'the one' and thus, leave the one I love.

It was the hardest thing for me to do, especially because every moment with him is heaven, and this has always been the case. Neither of us were ready to have it be over, but he respected my need to find what I was after, even if it didn't include him. I shed many tears that night with him, and I cried the following day when I thought I was leaving his place for the last time. I boohooed the whole bus ride home and mourned the fact that I would never touch or kiss this beautiful man again.

That being said, I also assured myself that I wouldn't always miss him, and that 'the one' will come, so even though I am sad right now, it's only a matter of time before I will be happy with my beloved.

Fast forward to last week and I decide to join 5 dating sites simultaneously because hey, go big or go home. This chick knows exactly what she wants and that's exactly what she's going to get. BOOM!

My online profile was bangin', the responses were flattering, and there actually was a man on one of the sites that I thought might be this 'one' that I was after. He was everything I listed, and a millionaire to boot, and not only that, he was also after his one and only, which he believed was me. He claimed 'love at first sight' after watching one of my videos and proceeded to write me an email that matched, if not exceeded, the depth, beauty and length of emails I had written to men in the past. This man said things I only dreamed of hearing, and I don't mean the cheesy lines most girls wish for; I mean the candid expression of a soul in touch with its deepest desire.

It was beautiful at the time, and it was a lot like looking into a mirror. It was intense, and it was an option should I choose it, and it would have definitely been a wild ride; one fit for a movie, guaranteed.

But then I heard from my favourite man over the weekend, which given the nature of our ending and of his character, was completely unexpected. Of course I knew he still loved me and would miss me, but it was clear that I would be left to do this thing without interference. Yet here he was, expressing his heart, and it naturally ignited my own. We both agreed that it was crazy not to be together because clearly we are the only thing the other truly wants. So why are we suffering without one another when we could be together instead? But I was still stuck on the image I had in my mind.

My daughter Paige suggested I get my priorities straight. "Do you want to be with the man you love or do you want to have things your way?" And she was right. I was stuck on having things look and be labeled a certain way, when what truly mattered was what we shared. And what we share is my idea of perfection; as is he. (For the record, Paige disliked almost every man I ever dated, but she always liked him because of how he treated me and how he made me feel. Last night she even asked for his advice on a boy she's crushing on, which I thought was hella awesome)

I soon messaged millionaire boy to let him know that I have since heard from the man I love and need to see if we can make a go of this. He understood, left the door open should I change my mind, and then my favourite man and I spent the next 2 days negotiating a way to be together.

Our love and connection was never in question. It was semantics mostly, regarding the future and 'the one'. So we sorted that out and before the clock stroke midnight on Valentine's Day, my favourite man and I became a couple for the very first time.

OMG.

Keep in mind that I haven't even had a boyfriend since 2006. This was a biggie for me. I had many hangups about hooking up with a man; namely, losing my independence, which I value more than anything else. In the past, partners were threatened by this which ended up making me afraid to merge with another once again. I wanted to be free to live as I always do without feeling guilty for it. My work is important to me and I didn't want to be forced to choose between a man and my life's work. That happened with the last guy I was with years ago, which was the breaking point for me, and so I left.

But lucky for me, my favourite man is not the kind to limit me in any way. He has demonstrated that the whole way through.

Other bonuses: He has been there for me through the hardest of times, even through my trials with other men, and he accepted my need for space and time in between visits. He never once tried to change me and I know he never will. He is the most selfless, generous and loving man I have ever been with, and equally important, he is a man of integrity and honour.

The first thing I said to him when we met on the dance floor 3 years ago was, "You're beautiful." And he remains the most beautiful man in my eyes. Even more so now, because there's something pretty fucking sexy about a man who wants you as his own and will do what it takes to make that possible.

Before we left one another today, he reminded me that the only thing that changed since our last visit was my perspective, and he was right. He said his feelings are today what they were then, and I know it's true.

What changed was that I let my heart lead instead of my mind, and there he was, just as he was before. But this time, the restlessness inside me had disappeared, and what remained was the man of my dreams; the man I cannot be without right now because it's just that good.

And so, our monthly or bi-monthly visits will no doubt become weekly or bi-weekly, because I am ready for more. Instead of placing him on the periphery of my life, I have made him a priority, and my search for 'the one' has since become the discovery that all I have is all I ever wanted: true love, mutual respect, open communication, a deep connection, trust and honesty, intense attraction laced with sensuality, quality time spent and of course tons of laughter. Oh! And a body full of hair:)

So do I still believe in 'the one'? Well, not in the way I did before. I do believe that my favourite man is the one for me at this point in my life. Forever seems so far away and there is no telling how one or both of us will grow, both together and apart, but I do think we are meant to be together for as long as it feels right for both of us, and I believe I would not have committed to a man if I were not certain he was worthy of such a gift.

God knows no other man has been;)

So this concludes my story as a new one is set to begin. What matters most to me right now is that I'm happy and loved and I am now back in the arms of the man I adore.

Turns out Valentine's Day didn't suck so bad after all.

Valentine's Day Can Suck It.

Cupcakes made by my friend Melissa Wiese :)


Cupcakes made by my daughter, Paige and her friend, Aya. Inspired by Melissa's :)


And todays's status update: Mandy wishes this day would go fuck itself.

Nuff said.

Who Has Time For This Crap?

Here's the thing: I can't even keep up with my Facebook inbox messages (over 900 of those suckers lay in waiting at the moment) and I am pretty slow to respond to regular emails, so now that my hotmail account is filled with useless notifications from the various dating sites I have joined, I am starting to regret my enthusiasm for this adventure. A message per Wink (Seeking Arrangement), a message per Flirt (Arrangement Seekers), a message when I am Hotlisted (SugarDaddie) or Favourited (POF), and of course I get an email message whenever I receive an actual message from a man on any of these sites. Thank God Lavalife has yet to send me a confirmation email to make my profile public or I'd be adding a 'Smile' notification to the list of annoyances.

In response to this inundation of time wasters, I will soon be going on each site to change the notification settings. And since Lavalife has done nothing yet, I may recant what I said previously about eHarmony and join that site once again as a replacement.

It's a catch-22 with theses sites. The more you are on, the more chance you have to meet someone because the men can see you are online. But along with more frequent appearances on the various sites, comes the overload of virtual Hey Baby's and messages that for the most part come from men whose profiles are less than appealing.

I have to admit that getting my attention on a dating site is just as easy as me finding 'the one' on it. I am not, have never been, nor will I ever be, one of those girls that's fine with whatever when it comes to a man. I am told I am picky, but I don't agree. I just know what I want, and I believe there is only one man out there who will fit the bill.

Here is how I roll on a dating site. Hate me if you will.

1. If there is no picture on his profile, I don't even read his message. It's not fair that he gets to see me (which is why he has messaged in the first place) but I don't get to see him. I understand why some people feel the need to be discreet, especially on a sugar daddy site, but I don't give a fuck. I'm putting myself out there and I expect my future beloved to do the same.

2. If he does have a picture but the picture or his written profile does not captivate me, I do not read his message. Why? Because. That's why. He obviously wrote to me because he was interested in what he saw and/or read. If the feeling is not mutual, I am not going to spend precious moments of my life reading what he wrote and replying back because it won't make a difference at all. I already made my decision. I know I'm not interested and I reserve the right to not engage. That's the beauty of online dating. Freedom to view, assess and choose. Now I know some men will bitch about this because they feel like a woman owes them a response for the fact that they took the time to message, claiming it's only courteous. Give me a break and quit your whining. Just because a guy whistles at me while I'm riding downtown doesn't mean I owe him a thing. I flip him the bird or smile depending on how I feel that day, and ride on. Dumb comparison but I'm cranky from a full inbox so that's all you get. And, I'm pretty damn sure an attractive woman's inbox is more full than any man's, so even if she wanted to be polite and engage in useless small talk and thank you's and waste her time coming up with creative ways to express you have no chance in hell, it would be impossible. So, knowing this, I'd rather concentrate all of my efforts and energy on what I actually DO want, and simply ignore the rest. If you're not hearing from me, it's because I'm not interested. That should be reason enough for you to forget about it and move the fuck on to find the one who WILL BE interested in getting back to you, instead of complaining about how I conduct myself on these impersonal sites. Knotted panties on a man has never been hot.

3. You might be thinking I am cruel and unfair because 'what if the guy is just not photogenic or can't express himself through writing?' Well, then I know he's not the one for me. In Mandyland, being photogenic and expressive through words (both written and verbal) matters because a) We will be in sexy, delicious shoots together so of course I want us to both look incredible on camera! And b) Words are my greatest love, so if he is not a master of them, then he probably won't succeed in winning my heart.

4. That being said, there is a chance that a man captures my attention despite what I said I wanted, so I am also open to that possibility. If I am drawn to him for a reason I don't even understand, I will honour that feeling and move forward. I trust myself to take me where I need to go. But as it stands, only one man has caught my attention; a 30 year old pediatric surgeon in the states who joined this particular site on the same day I did, which is why his profile popped up. I was instantly drawn to him before I even read a thing, and messaged him immediately. Thing is, he has not been online since Feb 7 and my message has still not been read. It's not like I am am looking for a long distance thing, but I was just like 'mmmmm....he's delicious', and the other details became insignificant. I even included him in my status update the other day:

PROSPECT #1: A delicious pediatric surgeon who looks like a buff John Mayer. ACTION TAKEN: Msg sent with WOW! as the subject line. ULTIMATE GOAL: Prenup signed before he flies me to the states for our first date which of course will include steak, apple martinis and me in the hot dress that he FedEx'd before the limo showed up at my place.


5. If the tables are turned and a guy doesn't read my message or respond to it, I don't take it personal. He's either too busy or he's not interested, in which case, so what. 'The one' will have the time for the one he wants, which will be me, and he will surely be responding to this delicious hottie ASAP. I too am busy, which is why I did indicate that I was looking for a weekly or monthly set up, because in the past, that has worked best for me and my schedule. But I am also open to more with the right one. I will surely find a way to see the man I am smitten with as often as possible. So we will see:)

6. Men over 50? Ain't gonna happen. But apparently they are more interested in me than the younger guys. LOL!!


Well there you have it. Today's dish of my adventures in online dating. Funny how I have no time to read the messages from the boys but all the time in the world to write about not reading those messages:)

Off to fix those settings!

My Online Dating Profile

I figure I should show you what I've put out there to attract my potential one and only. I did change my profile according to each site so there are a few variations out there.

My dating profile is long and detailed because it's me and I love to express and I am clear on what I want, and also because I don't want to waste anyone's time. I'm not doing this to pass the time, to flirt, to 'just see'. I'm not 'open' to exploring anything except the man whom I feel might be the greatest man on the planet. I am on the mission of all missions: to meet my imperfect king who is perfectly suited to me. So best to lay it out clearly so I won't need to write the same useless crap to each guy who doesn't have a shot in hell. Not their fault. They just ain't 'him';)

The version I am including here is what I have included on both the Seeking Arrangement and Arrangement Seekers sites (as if THAT'S not confusing!). Since both are geared to wealthy men and beautiful women, I wrote extensively as to not be confused for a woman who is actually after some guy's money. I'm not. I'm just open to the possibility that my love may be on here, or one of the other 4 sites I joined. I am not opposed to being on this kind of site because I know there are men on them who truly do want something sacred with someone special, and they just happen to be wealthy. There are even men on these sites who want kids and marriage (not that I do) so do not assume the worst. Expand your mind.

So here it is:


ABOUT ME

I am a word addict, sensualist and lover of food, beauty, tenderness, delicious kisses and quality time spent. I have a small business running personal transformation workshops for men and women, a radio show, a column in a weekly magazine, an online video show, 2 published books, an honours degree, and will have my PhD in Metaphysics by 2013. I am highly creative, quite eccentric and a bohemian at heart.

I adore my life and everything in it. I love cycling, walking, reading, napping and of course, writing. I love intelligent conversation, wit, depth, substance and authenticity. I value honesty, sensuality, integrity and honour in a man who respects and values my thoughts, feelings, and the work that I do. I am intelligent, bold, independent, passionate, educated, witty, multi-faceted, sweet and sincere and I always say what's on my mind. I know how to make a man feel like a god, and my affection and adoration is genuine. I loathe games and half truths. I prefer transparency and open communication about all things. I love V8 Juice and I also LOVE skunks. :)


I'M LOOKING FOR

Ideally I'd like to connect with a man who shares similar interests, loves to eat, kiss, make love, talk, learn, one who makes me laugh and is comfortable in his own skin. MUST be expressive through words and touch!!!!!

I require a ridiculous amount of attention from the man I am with. I expect and love to be spoiled with compliments, affection and connection, and I love to feel like I am the center of his world when we are together. I do not require constant time in person. I am pretty solitary and quite busy but I do enjoy a weekly or monthly connection with a wonderful man I deem worthy of my time, which is very precious to me. I love being treated like the queen that I am and only a king knows how to do that. I am monogamous even when dating and I require the same from the man I am seeing.

I have a number of creative projects on the go and I love to simply be free to do what I'm most passionate about: creating good work that empowers others. I am self-employed (with a super fun and flexible 'regular' job on the side) and primarily work from home so I am free and willing to travel, explore new things, and just get up and go. I am motivated by creative expression and time freedom, not money, and my goal is to further my dreams while enjoying something special with someone who fits on all levels.

I have to be honest here, I really don't have expectations of gifts, travel or a monthly allowance. It wouldn't let me leave it blank so I picked all three in spite. I don't give a shit about any of those things on their own. What I care about is the person and what we share. If what we have is beautiful, then the rest is a bonus, not an arrangement. I obviously make my own money. And I would rather be spoiled with kisses than roses, and I prefer dancing to diamonds, and I would rather hike a trail than go shopping any day. I would also only travel with someone I loved or could see myself loving, so if what you're offering only includes the externals, I'm not the woman for you because I like to be satisfied in the ways that truly matter.

I am after my one and only. That's it. Nothing in between. Nothing less. Either you're him or you're not. And I am on 5 different dating sites to advance my chances of meeting 'the one', so please do not waste either of our time if you are not wanting the same thing for yourself. Unless you woke up today feeling like 'She has got to be out there, somewhere!', and upon seeing my profile said, 'Now THAT is the kind of woman I've been waiting for all my life!', well then chances are, you're not the one I'm looking for and no sweet email or lump sum is going to change that.

Thank you for your understanding. Best of luck to everyone in finding what their heart (or penis) desires;)


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


As for Plenty of Fish, I only included the 'About Me' section, as I am used to POF, am not a fan of it at all, so just the basics and I'm good. Lavalife has yet to send me a confirmation email from this morning, so I have not even filled out a thing, and SugarDaddie.com totally creeps me out, so I just included a portion of this bio on there as well. I hate that term and even the site looks shady. Just feels icky and dirty but I'm taking that disgusting one for the team! Blech!

eHarmony is an option and I did go on their site but decided against joining because I had filled out their extensive questionnaire years ago and after wasting half of my life filling it out, the result was that I had zero matches. ZERO! Way to make a person feel hopeful about their relationship future. So I never joined. And I don't want to fill that sucker out again.

So far I LOVE Arrangement Seekers, primarily because of how it's laid out. It's beautiful and reminds me of one of my blogs. Crisp and clear and attractive. Easy to navigate as well, unlike the others. Another added bonus is that you can edit your profile and the changes are updated immediately (like with POF). Seeking Arrangement & SugarDaddie is a pain in the fucking ass because a staff member has to read your changes and view your pics and then approve or reject them before you see a change. This drives me nuts because I switch up a profile like nobody's business! And to have to wait up to 24 hours (they are NOT quick about it...I am STILL waiting and it's been 10 hours!) is insane. I understand why they are doing it (they want to ensure no sex is being solicited on their site) but I can't stand the gap between writing something and having it show up on my profile.

I also like Arrangement Seekers because of a wonderful email I received from a man who is not ready for his one and only, but wanted to say this about my profile:

"Hi, I just wanted to drop you a note to say that I loved reading your bio and found myself wishing that I was in a different time and place. Sadly I'm not... Clearly you are one of the few on this system that is truly authentic, comfortable in your own skin, know who you are, know what you like and want to do, goal oriented and living all aspects of life with passion. I wish you all the best in your quest... it won't be easy to find a man who has similar traits and has the confidence, respect and admiration to be with you. But when you find him... you'll know you've got a keeper! Good luck!"

This totally warmed my heart. So sweet!

Another point for Arrangement Seekers!!!!:):):)

Although I would much prefer to meet someone while going for a walk, eating at my favourite restaurant, or bumping into him in a unique setting, or meeting him through a strange set of circumstances, I am open to the online thing for now, because it's a neat experiment that I get to report back on, and you just never know. And really, I could still meet someone in the ways mentioned above, even if I am blogging daily about my adventures with fish heads.

Either way, love finds us when we're ready, when it's time, and when we least expect it...or so I hear;)

Let us find out for ourselves, shall we?

Ah Shit. Mandy Is Officially On The Prowl

So I recently joined 5 dating sites for 'research' purposes and a shot at finding my one and only. And because I love to write and share my experiences with others, I am going to post regular updates about funny or interesting things that go on in the process.

I am not new to online dating so no need to send me words of caution. I tried POF years ago and am still friends with a few of the men I met during that time. As with any social network, or anything in life, there is always the good and the bad. Hellish stories abound, but so do the beautiful ones.

One of my graduate DIVAS found her beloved on POF and now they are married. Many find their one and only online. Others meet creeps who lied about this or that, who look nothing like they do in their pictures, or just plain make you feel icky. But I believe if you trust yourself and listen to your intuition, chances are good that you will be guided away from those creeps and drawn to the ones who most resonate with who you really are.

So, I'm just going to give it a whirl. Why not? I'm sure there will be many giggles and OMG's along the way. And at the very least I will have some great material for future Mandyland Radio podcasts. And if I'm lucky, I might soon have my one and only by my side.

Wish them luck! I sure won't need any:)

Mandy